Archive for March 2nd, 2012

March 2, 2012

Codependency

 Wikipedia defines Codependency as unhealthy tendency to behave in overly passive or excessively caretaking ways that negatively impact one’s relationships and quality of life. It also often involves placing a lower priority on one’s own needs, while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others.
Codependency can be a way for the codependent person to gain a sense of control over their life situation. By making an effort to solve other people’s problems, the codependent feels a sense of accomplishment and control. Sometimes, a codependent solves other’s problems since they feel that they are unable to solve their own problems. A codependent may consistently place another person’s needs in front of their own needs due to a belief that they are not worthy. Codependency can develop as a coping mechanism to address a hectic upbringing. The codependent may have learned to anticipate and take care of the needs of volatile personalities in the home to reduce the chance of the volatile personality from exploding. Codependents can view it as their “moral obligation” to serve others and see this obligation. Although someone with codependent tendencies sees themselves as a giving person, codependent actions can hurt ourselves and frustrate others.

Today, some co-workers were moving from one office to another office. I started helping out, even though I was working on a deadline. I prioritized their need to move heavy furniture versus making sure my own work was complete. I also hurt my lower back by doing too much. 

Another codependent situation occurred when a co-worker tried to help out my office by delivering a desk. Unfortunately, the desk was heavy and did not fit the work space. This person was trying to solve a problem without asking. If that person had asked about the need for a desk, the desk would not have been moved needlessly. 

Yes, I know that this are small examples. 

Next time you are doing something from someone else consider:
– did they ask for help?
– will this harm me in any way?
– I am doing this with a true generous spirit?
I am interested in hearing your thoughts.