Finding your Rhythm

Photo Credit: http://vimeo.com/rhythmlivin

When changing a habit or when adding a new activity to your lifestyle, it is helpful to find a time for this new habit/routine.  If we do not know where to place this new habit/routine into our schedule, it is very easy to forget to perform this activity. Once you habit becomes a part of your daily rhythm, it is a lot easier to maintain.

For my own “habit change challenge”, I found that that only way that I could be consistent with implementing my target habits was to find a regular place for them in my daily schedule. Since I have two young children, I found it was best to add my new activities during times of the day when my children are asleep. In the morning, I exercise, meditated and listen to positive meditation podcasts. At night, I blog, journal my successes and list the things for which I am grateful.  Having this structure in place has helped immensely. I have been waking up early and exercising for over a year. After exercising, I have just enough time to shower, get dressed, make lunch, eat breakfast, kiss the family goodbye and leave for work. I have found that I needed to meditate and perform my affirmations before my workout since it was better to have a slightly shorter workout than to miss the opportunity to perform these activities all together.

What works for you! Please share your ideas of ensuring that you have time for some positive time for yourself.

GRATITUDE 4 the 7 X 7 Link Award!

First and foremost, I would like to show my appreciation to Marcy King at http://orples.wordpress.com/ for the nomination of the 7 X 7 Link award. Marcy has been very encouraging of “Influence Versus Control” and she always provides great comments. Marcy’s site includes great information about her children’s books as well as some cool photography.

And now, the rules for the 7 X 7 Link Award

1. Give thanks and acknowledgements to the blogger who nominated you for this award
2. List 7 of your previous links in the following categories. Most Helpful, Most Popular, Most Beautiful Piece, Most Controversial, Most Surprisingly Successful, Most Underrated, Most Pride Worthy)
3. List 7 things about yourself.
4. Nominate 7 other bloggers for this award.

Here are my SEVEN Links:

1.) Most Helpful – Setting Personal Goals

2.) Most Popular – Personal Responsibility

3.) Most Beautiful Piece – People First!

4.) Most Controversial – Identity

5.) Most Surprisingly Successful – Being Sick

6.) Most Underrated – Find Your Passion!

7) Most Pride Worthy – Scripting For Emotional Success

SEVEN things about myself (Andrew Gilbert)

1. The most important thing to me is being a good father. I prioritize spending time with my children as much as possible.
2. My wife, Emily Dolton, is an inspiring member of the local community and she does much as she can to address the needs of people with special needs. She is also an amazing artist/ muralist (http://www.insideemilyshead.com/)
3. I have a child that has “special needs”. I definitely feel that his needs do not define him and are just an attribute (see People First blog). The love that I have learned from this “little guy” and overcoming his early health obstacles have been the main inspiration for changing my overall life outlook from “totally cynical” to a “recovering cynic”.
4. As a “recovering cynic”, I admit that I am not perfect. I have not “been to the mountain top”, but I have seen postcards. I practice every day to be more positive and collect more data to reinforce a more optimistic worldview.
5. As a school based occupational therapist, I have collaborated on two programs that utilize movement as an instructional strategy. One of these programs was demonstrated to improve vision skills, the other was demonstrated to improve handwriting / penmanship for Kindergarten students. I feel that movement is vital for all of us and that movement is a vital instructional strategy.  (http://occupationaltherapystrategies.com/)
6. I love to surf. It helps clear my brain and it is great exercise!
7. When the surf is blown out  or too small, I like mountain biking.

For this award, I did my best to “spread the love around”. There are some great bloggers that I follow I want to acknowledge Jay Rondo for the Versatile Blogging nomination and “a kiss of bliss” for the “Very Inspiring Blogger Award”. Thanks again to Marcy King at http://orples.wordpress.com/ for the nomination of the 7 X 7 Link award!

The SEVEN nominated bloggers for the 7 X 7 Link Award are:

1. http://davidkanigan.com/ – For positive words and art.
2. http://positivecookieattitudes.wordpress.com – More than just positive baking advice. Consistent positive blogging action!
3. http://identityspecialist.net/ – Total honest, in your face blogging action!
4. http://gyatoday.wordpress.com/ – This blog reminds us that it is always better to give than receive.
5. http://everythingvnothing.wordpress.com/ – This blog provides consistent inspiration.
6. http://momentumofjoy.wordpress.com/ – The name says it all. This blog keeps the joy moving.
7. http://currierose.wordpress.com/ – A wonderful spirit! I love the whimsy and honesty.

 

Thank you very much for stopping by “Influence Versus Control”. Please stop by and say “Hello” to the great bloggers listed in this award.

The Complaints of Others

Yes, I would like a complaint free world. As I stated yesterday, I am still working on that complaint free me. We did conclude with the realization that only we can control our own habit of complaining. The “Complaint Free World” approach of moving a wrist band from one wrist to another is a great form of personal accountability to shape our own behavior.

What about the complaints of others? Since we can not control other people’s habits, we can only control our own responses. It is helpful to remember that we have different options when other people complain so we don’t fall into the socially accepted pattern of complaining ourselves.

The first thing that we should consider when a friend or colleague starts to complain to us is that person’s possible motivation to complain. Do they want to complain for the sake of complaining? Are they complaining because they are in a challenging situation and are seeking emotional validation? Are they complaining about a situation in the hopes that someone has a possible solution? The second thing we should consider is how close the relationship is of the “complainer” to ourselves. For example, if a stranger in front of us in a line starts complaining about how frustrating the wait is, we should not feel compelled to join the chorus of “this line is a pain”.

For the “constant complainer” that we know, it would be appropriate to acknowledge their concerns as well as setting boundaries.

“I hear your concern about the new procedures. I now need to finish my project before my deadline”.

For someone complaining about a life situation where they have no control and appear to desire some emotional validation, it would be appropriate to demonstrate compassion and understanding about their feelings. You are not obligated to complain yourself.

“I can understand how tough it is. I can only imagine how your are feeling right now. That seems to be a really challenging situation”.

One of my personal challenges is that I sometimes do now intuitively know the difference when someone is complaining about something just to vent and feel heard or if that person is seeking advice or assistance. For these situations it is beneficial to listen intently to the person’s concerns. When if feels appropriate, you could ask if the other person needs assistance in this matter.

I would appreciate any comments on how you choose to respond to the complaints of others.

Thanks for stopping by and reading!

Summary of Main Points

 

In this blog, we have reviewed some Psychological concepts important to the discussion of what we can personally control and what factors we can only influence.

 

In “The First Step” we discussed that you will experience more success in attaining your live goals if you take full responsibility for where you are in your life. This concept is supported by research in Intrinsic Locus of Control that people who feel that the have the ability to control their lives tend to be happier.

 

When discussing locus of control, we also stated that there are some elements of life that we cannot control such as the economy or weather and for these factors we should adopt an external locus of control. Although there are elements of life that we cannot control, we are in control on how we choose to respond to these situations. In the blog post E+R=O we discussed that our chosen response to a given situation has a direct impact on the overall outcome.

 

If “The First Step” is accepting full responsibility for your life, the second step should be “Find your Passion”. The research suggests that for situations that require problem solving and creativity, people do better when they are intrinsically motivated.

 

If we have identified some life goals that are challenging for us, we may benefit from extrinsic rewards to help get us motivated.

 

Once we have reflected on our passions and considered what activities help us “go with the flow”, it is beneficial to reflect on our belief systems. In the blog post “Icebergs Ahead” we discussed that many of our beliefs are unconscious, yet still have a significant impact on our internal dialogue. In “Identity” we discussed that what we typically think of as ourselves is the voice in our head. Once we realize that a “me is a story I tell myself”, we can start to evaluate which recurring thoughts are serving us and which thoughts bring us down. In Judgment – Part 2 we discussed that there is a difference between the processes of evaluation (“does this serve my interests”) versus devaluation (finding something or someone to be “inferior” to us). In reviewing our beliefs, it is valuable to evaluate if a belief serves us and to “root out” beliefs that devalue our selves or the humanity of others.  Similarly, in “Appreciation” we discussed that it is helpful to review our beliefs to see if we are appreciating the world around us as well as our own value.

 

In future blogs, we will be exploring emotions in more depth and considerations for turning around our emotional perspective.

 

For the topic of actions, we reviewed how to set goals.

 

In future blogs, we will explore some pragmatic action plans in the areas of weight loss as well as finances.

 

So far, this blog has been posted daily. To ensure quality of writing and to tackle topics in greater detail, I have decided to start posting weekly. If you prefer the daily posts please let me know.

 

If you have any feedback about the content so far, please feel free to contact me at otbikesurf@yahoo.com

 

Thank you for your time and attention!

 

Andrew Gilbert

Find Your Passion

Find you Passion!

 

In the last few posts, we have discussed how powerful an intrinsic locus of control as well as intrinsic motivation can help us more forward. It is beneficial for us to know that we are in control of our beliefs, thoughts, feelings, habits and actions. Since intrinsic motivation can be more powerful than working for a reward, we are more efficient when we are doing what we love. However, any people do not take the time to reflect on their passion or purpose.

 

There is a simple exercise that you can do to find your passion or purpose. It is helpful to set give yourself at least ten minutes to complete this activity.

 

Take out a blank piece of paper or open a new word processing document. At the top of the document, choose one of the following phrases that best matches how you would think.

– “My purpose in life is”

– “My mission in life is”

– “My passion in life is”.

– “I feel I was placed on this Earth for”

-“I feel I was created for”

(or create you own phrase related to your life passion or purpose)

 

Next, start listing all the ideas that come into your head such as:

–       “help other people”

–       “make sure that children are loved and supported”

–       “to solve problems that allow people to live simpler lives”

–       “to ensure economic prosperity for my family”

–       “to have fun by creating art and music”

–       “to support my family so they feel safe and loved”

–       “sharing my ideas through writing and speaking”

–       “to promote collaboration and cooperative in all areas of my life”

 

Stop writing either when you have run out of ideas or if one of your ideas gives you such an emotional response that you think “yeah, this is what I am here for”.

 

Once you have completed you list, rate the items in terms of how strong you feel about each item on an emotional level. For this exercise, avoid all temptation of overthinking each item since you do not want to talk yourself out of a possible life passion. Do your best to stop possible depreciative internal dialogue such as “I feel that I was created for creating a just and safe world for my children but I know that there are too many things that I can’t control and I just don’t know where to start and my friends might think it is foolish if I share this idea with them….”

 

Once you have rated your items on this list, you should have a clear idea of what you are passionate about. The next step would be to ask your self some follow up questions such as:

–       How could I get more of what I am passionate about in my life?

–       How could I use my passion to create value for others?

–       Are there any jobs that I could perform that include what I am passionate about?

 

If you find something that you love to do, you will enjoy the time that you spend doing it. It is better to pursue something that you like to do since you will more likely stick with it and feel better about it.

 

For example, I get many e-mails about these “foolproof” money making opportunities. I have analyzed some of these opportunities, and they do have the chance and making money for you.

 

For example, it you are not truly passionate about buying property below market value, renovating homes and selling them for a profit, it is unlikely that you would be motivated to stick with the work involved to make money. On the other had, If you like the excitement of researching real estate markets, analyzing trends of property values, love working with real estate agents, mortgage companies, home inspectors, pest control companies and assorted contractors, there is a greater chance that you will follow through and make a good living for yourself.

 

If we are solely focused on “making money”, we may find a way to make money, but still be dis-satisfied. If we focus on what we like to do and what we are good at and then find aspects of our current job with those elements or possible positions that fulfill our passions, we are more likely to be satisfied on a daily basis.

 

I hope that you are able to find your passion.

 

 

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